i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Life is so much better after having sex.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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