break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
