"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
