Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
