After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
