I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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