i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
