Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
