I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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