my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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