i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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