Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
