Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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