the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
