So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
