He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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