my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
