just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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