At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Alive.
So much puke
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
