I think my vagina is haunted
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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