you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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