turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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