apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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