i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
