dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
