I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
