I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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