dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
