can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
