I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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