Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
