Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
His hands were made for my vagina.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
