everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
