Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
