i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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