Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
