Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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