i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
