I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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