I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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