he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
