Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
