meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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