You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
