The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
