I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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