Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
