No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
