grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
