so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
