I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
