my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
