i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
