Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
