i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize