two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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