My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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