everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
