Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
