You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize