everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
