and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
