Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
