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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
