This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
