I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My feet surprised me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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