I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
