I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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