And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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