I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize