watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize