Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
