Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
