Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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